Standing Up To The Institution
So recently I did the risky thing in my college career and stood up for myself to the University. I say risky because apparently it is just "not done" to have an opinion or make a real complaint about something at one's university.
To be quick and to the point I went to the administrators of one of my universities departments about an experience with a professor teaching a class that had no business ever trying to teach anyone anything. After A YEAR of being shunted around from one person to the next, having my concerns belittled and disregarded, I finally scored a meeting with the Associate Chair of the Department of IB (nameless to avoid any retribution or defamation claims), the department in which this professor was nested. I sat down in a room with the Associate chair (a man) and one of the office workers (a woman) - I promise, those details will become necessary later on - and began to explain why I wanted this meeting in the first place. Upon the table in front of the Associate chair, I placed a stapled pile of documents. On top was a bulleted list of what was to be found within, the main points of 1) my original complaint about the teacher, and 2) my subsequent complaints about the department's handling of my concerns. Now I began to read these out as a brief overview of why we were all there, but then something happened that stopped me dead in my tracks...
The Associate Chair (AC from this moment forward) decided it was a good time to interrupt me before I really got on a roll and actually got to the point of the whole meeting. He talked over me and told me it was "his turn to talk". He told me that he had thought the issue was resolved the previous year when he replied to my email about my concerns about this teacher with a "I'll look into it". He wanted to know why we were even having this conversation in the first place. Now, he had just interrupted me from actually telling him that, so he could have saved himself some trouble by having decent manners and waiting for me to finish my intro, but that would have been far too difficult.
During the next half hour, Mr. AC talked down to me like I was a naughty child. He told me that my original "Teacher Evaluation" that listed in detail the numerous ways in which I found the teacher and class to be inadequate and unacceptable to be "overly aggressive" to the point at which he had been considering reporting me to Student Conduct. He said that my claims and assertions were unfounded and not based on fact and without sources. I was very curious to know how he thought I could add sources to my own experiences... I told him that it was unfortunate that no one had written a peer-reviewed paper based on his departments teaching standards, otherwise I would have been happy to provide a works-cited page along with everything else. He said that I was obviously upset and overemotional and that he wanted to resolve the situation quickly because he had canceled another meeting in order to sit down and talk with me and he felt that he was wasting his time. The woman in the room did absolutely nothing, neither stood up for her fellow female against this bullying behaviour, nor supported him in his arguments. I was very disappointed in her.
This entire experience was rather horrible and the entire time I felt:
- belittled
- marginalized
- put down because of my gender (female)
- bullied and pushed around because I am young and a student
- unfairly threatened with student conduct
- upset because I was constantly being interrupted and talked over
Some people in this world, in this country think that we (aka everyone) don't need feminism. They see feminism as an ugly word, they think that it means that feminists see men as inferior, that we want them to be slaves to us women. But really, what we mean when we say we are feminist is that we want to have the same opportunities as men, we want to stand up for ourselves and have people in authority (usually men) take us seriously, not use tactics that make us feel worthless and not have them belittle us.
It is a hard thing in this world for a young girl to stand up to male authority and tell them what she thinks. It is hard to walk in knowing you are outnumbered, that there is no one at your back to stand up for you, that it's only you against this big scary establishment. But you do it, because you think it's the right thing to do. You hope that you can make a difference for future students. You hope that because you had the lady-balls to stand up for yourself that in the future another girl with a similar issue or a similar complaint might be strong enough to do the same. And then you walk out having been belittled and bullied and threatened and you feel as though your attempt failed miserably. You understand why more people don't speak up for their rights, why more students don't go beyond giving a a bad RateMyProfessors review. You feel as small and insignificant as a bug that big man in the big suit and the big position had just squashed.
The whole point of college - beyond just getting an education - is to try new things, spread your wings, explore the world from the safety-net that is still not being a "real adult". We are told to challenge convention, to challenge the way things have always been and to fight for what we think is right. And then we have an experience like this. For some it is their first D grade, and they are instantly disillusioned. For me it wasn't my first D or my first failed class. It wasn't my first negative sexual experience or my first boyfriend. It wasn't even the first terrible teacher that taught me nothing and frustrated me for 11 weeks when I could teach the class better. For me, it was using my rights of freedom of speech, it was standing up to the status quo and being shot down so thoroughly that I'm surprised I am actually ready to write this at all after just a week.
I'm amazed that I am emotionally and mentally ready to even walk past that building again. Two years ago I would have altered my route to class to avoid it, but now even so soon after my disillusionment, I proudly hold my head high and flip off the entire building as I walk past. Yes, maybe this is a teensy bit juvenile, maybe I should be the "better person" and go on with life, but I refuse to allow my negative experience to happen to another student. I refuse to be silenced and marginalized because of my gender and because I say some things that they don't like. Just because I criticize the ability of their staff to teach properly and their department for not taking student's claims seriously. They have now validated everything I just said to them and I will somehow make it count.
My plan going forward is to go straight to the legal advice, advocates, and representatives that my school supplies to students and seek their counsel on my next steps and what I should avoid in order for Mr. AC not to have any reason to hold something over my head. From there, I will go to student conduct to tell them of this experience and explain exactly what went on, just in case Mr. AC does go ahead and "report" me. I will be ahead of the game on that count and I wish him luck if he tries to go after me. Next, I will be going to my student government ASOSU, whose job it is to help students with problems they are facing and to advocate for their rights. There needs to be some sort of support and outreach to students who want to try to confront big departments in the future. There needs to be some kind of way for students to have an advocate with them to support them and help them with their goals when taking on other AC's. Finally, I want to propose to my universities paper that they should write a column about how departments try to silence student's voices and try to push their concerns to the back burner while walking all over them.
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