Victim Blaming... The all american pastime of the US

Victim blaming for both rape and murder...

Americans have so many national passtimes... Baseball, flag obsession, racism, sexism, religious zealotry, appropriating the name "football" from the rest of the world and repurposing it and renaming the original sport bearing that name "soccer", bombing innocent bystanders and failing utterly to actually kill the person they're aiming for, and - at the forefront of my mind today - victim blaming. It's been an interesting year for us living in the amazing US of A. We've had Donald Trump turn from an amusing sideline of the election into an actual threat who could possibly have control over nuclear weapons in the not-so-distant future. We've had rapists left-right-and-center getting ridiculously pathetic short sentences, rape victims being disbelieved and slut-shamed. We have had news reports virtually every week about police shooting people all over the place - usually unarmed black kids and adults, the Black Lives Matter movement gaining incredible momentum - and of course opposition. We've had a football player kneel during the national anthem in protest of police shooting unarmed black people and white people going back to the overt racism we saw when the KKK was a popular club to be in, and then that same football player be called a muslim, a terrorist, received death threats, told he's a communist, should both kill himself and allow others to kill him, etc... 

Pretty much the US is a fucking insanely stupid nation at the moment. It's scary to live here, and i'm a privileged middle-class white girl. If i'm scared, I can only imagine how people who are actually in danger from this shit that's happening feel. I'd be fucking terrified to even leave my house. I'd become a hermit and only come out at like 4 or 5 am when almost everyone is asleep and there's less chance of me becoming a target for someone's racist vendetta. 

The US has an interesting history of blaming people for things they can't help. When the British "discovered" North America, they blamed the Native Americans for defending themselves, and punished them by slaughtering them, scalping them, and killing them (admittedly unknowingly) with diseases. When the Dutch and British started the whole slave trade, white people in the US enslaved Africans simply because they had a different skin colour, language, culture, etc... When the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor in 1941, the Government rounded up all the Japanese (and even Chinese) immigrants they could and shoved them into what were basically concentration camps without the whole gassing chambers part. For thousands of years, women have been considered "unclean", "stupid", "hysterical", and "too delicate" for pretty much everything except embroidery for the simple fact that we have vaginas and periods.

But we seem to have entered an all new low period in our history when we blame women for being attacked and raped, and black people for being murdered. The girl who was sexually assaulted behind a dumpster "had it coming" to her because she was intoxicated, and therefore we cannot even consider punishing her rapist because "it will affect HIM for the rest of his life..." Never mind that she will have to live with the memory for the rest of her life, knowing that when she was helpless someone took advantage of her and tried to stick his penis inside of her... No, the rapist's life and future are what we have to protect right now, obviously...

When it comes to rape the first question is not, "what the fuck did the parents teach their fucking rapey kid growing up?", it's what was the girl wearing, was she revealing too much cleavage, how short was her skirt, did she flirt with the guy, was she a "tease" or "leading him on", did she consent to kissing or fondling, because if so she was definitely asking for sex too, how much did she have to drink, was she wearing makeup, did she tell him she had a boyfriend, did she have a history of one-night-stands, was she "loose" with her sexuality, did she go to parties often, etc... We don't look at the perpetrator of the rape, the person with the penis who - for some reason - thought it was okay to force himself on a resisting woman. No, we look at the woman and analyse everything about her to decide how much she is at fault for another person attacking her. We give her a score of 9/10 her fault for the rape, and the guy only a 1/10, because he must have just misread the signals. 

Universities don't expel rapists, especially if they're on a sports team. They punish the victim of the rape and force her to go to a school where she sees the person who may have ruined her life, who has given her nightmares, panic attacks, a fear of intimacy with people she cares about, possibly even a fear of hugging her parents or friends, and who knows what other triggers and side effects of being sexually assaulted and abused. Judges give rapey little swimming kids 6 months in prison and then let him out after 3 months because anything else will DAMAGE HIS FUTURE... HIS future, mind you. His father pleads with people to be kind to his kid because 6 months in low-security prison was a "steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action"... Why not teach your kid to respect women and if he tries to rape any of them turn him in yourself or beat the shit out of him until he understands what apparently 20 years under your tutelage failed to teach him in the first place. 

"20 minutes" was 20 minutes too much action. Even 5 minutes is too much, 1 minute, 30 seconds... There is no "amount of rape" that is okay. It's not like there's a line of right and wrong, and when you hit the 30 minute marker you've suddenly gone too far. Like, 29 mins and 30 seconds of rape is okay, but 31 minutes earns you a prison sentence... It doesn't work that way. You don't get a free pass because it was a small time period. That's like saying that you get to murder 6 people without any consequences, but if you murder a 7th, OMG, you done fucked up... 

People get taken to court and stripped of their life savings because they bumped the car in front of them and the other driver falsely claims whiplash, when they still have an open cup of water in their cupholder that didn't spill a drop. We can consign a person to bankruptcy and strip them of everything they own because some dude wanted a fat payout by suing, but god help the person who suggests that we legally punish a rapist. That's "cruel and unusual"...

Similarly, all people seem to do these days is blame black people for their own murders at the hands of cops. They don't look at the little kid that was playing in the park with a toy squirt gun, they look at the dude who called it in and said there was a black kid with a gun. The cops didn't investigate what was going on, they just tore up to the park in their cruiser, flew out of it, and shot a little boy dead. No questions, no "put the gun down", no consideration that this was a little kid playing in a park. White people look at a grown man that was shot by the police and they ask "Was he wearing a hoodie? How tall was he? Did he look angry? Did he put his hands up immediately, or ask questions first? Did he resist arrest? Did he follow instructions? Did he have past convictions? Was he doing anything illegal?"... They tell black people to just "follow the law and do what they say and you'll be fine"... Well, obviously not! I'm pretty sure that by now some black people just drop to the ground with their hands out the minute they see a cop, regardless of what they're doing at the time, even if they are just selling girl scout cookies... It's no longer about keeping your nose clean, going about your business, and being safe. It's about assuming you must look like a criminal 24/7, so you have to always assume someone's going to try and shoot you.

And then when it comes to the protesting, the black community can do nothing right. Either they protest by trying to get laws passed to protect themselves, or they go to court to get punishment for the murdering cops, and nothing gets done. Protesting via the court system isn't effective. So they try getting support from the communities and politicians around them. But no one is interested, or even sees that there is a problem. So they get mad and sit down in the middle of roads and conduct peaceful if disruptive protests. They get attacked by white bystanders and the police, even though they are exercising their constitutional right to protest. Next they get really angry and hold violent protests, marches, smash windows, destroy public property, anything to get the attention of the world and highlight the very real problem that their community faces every single day. Discrimination, racism, hate from white people, unequal opportunities, lack of resources and lack of quality education in their communities... The list goes on and on. Even when a single black person protests in a completely non-disruptive, non-violent, not in your face at all way - by taking a knee during the national anthem at a football game - he is held up as an example of a "dangerous, disrespectful black man". Called hateful names like communist, devil, told to go back to where he came from, told to leave the US if he doesn't like the way things are... 

We blame the victims of crime all the time. We blame rape victims for being too provocative. We blame the victims of cop murder for being ex-cons or just looking suspicious (i.e. having darker skin caused by more melanin pigmentation), we blame regular murder victims for pissing the wrong person off, being disrespectful, refusing to do something for someone, not having better house security, etc... We blame pregnant young girls killed by their boyfriends because they wouldn't abort for getting pregnant in the first place. We blame women killed in childbirth for getting pregnant in the first place, even though they tried to have an abortion for their own health and safety. We blame young LGBTQA people who commit suicide for being LGBTQA, and say that if they could only just have tried to be "normal" heterosexuals then they wouldn't have been unhappy enough to kill themselves... 

When horrible things happen to good and innocent people, we blame THEM for it. Not their murders, or their tormentors, not their rapists and their torturers, not the abusive boyfriend or the religious fanatics, not the unfair court systems that pass laws preventing women from terminating pregnancies that threaten their lives... We blame the very people we SHOULD have been helping. We allow this disgusting victim blaming culture to not only perpetuate, but to thrive. 

Why? I have no idea. I cannot comprehend how little compassion a person has to have not to feel the pain of these needless deaths or feel sorrow at how their lives ended.

The Human Life Element...

The Right to Make your own choices

Original publish date: 10/30/15

  When we reach the age of 18 we are generally considered adults. We can get married, buy property, smoke cigarettes, make our own health decisions, move out of the familial home, etc… While we cannot buy or drink alcohol (which is ridiculous) we are – legally - adults. While it may take many years for some people to reach adult maturity and actually begin acting like a responsible adult person, technically we are once we reach that golden number 18.

  However, we are not all entitled to make our own choices. We should be, provided they do no harm to another person, but we are not allowed in some cases. The case in particular that I mention is women’s healthcare and specifically abortions.

  Now this is always a touchy topic. No one likes to think about abortions. The very topic turns some people into fiery balls of rage and others in weeping heaps. Some people support it and others call it murder. Recently Planned Parenthood, a well-known women’s health organization, came under fire for some highly controversial videos that were apparently “undercover” videos of the company selling baby parts for profit. Since then there have been at least 3 federal investigations which have unsurprisingly showed that the videos about “selling baby parts” are completely fabricated and false.

  This slander of a women’s health organization has far-reaching consequences. People all over the country are demanding that all federal funding should be pulled from these "houses of atrocious murder". Now, the little bit of federal funding that Planned Parenthood receives from the government only goes to preventative measures, such as breast exams to prevent cancer, STD tests, counseling, and even men’s health screening for colon cancer and other health options. Abortion services comprise maybe 5% of what PP actually does, and yet there is a witch-hunt out for the organization blood and trying to shut it down. In recent weeks when it came to light that PP had done absolutely nothing wrong or immoral and that they would not be shut down by the government, there have been terrible arson attempts and other hate groups destroying these facilities.

  It’s not enough that they have dragged the organization’s name through the mud and slandered their reputation, now they are so angry that they didn’t succeed that they are literally trying to burn it down. Why? Because of their religious beliefs. Not because this organization is really doing anything terrible and bad, but because according to certain people’s religious “morals”, these people are evil for aborting fetuses.

  This is where it comes down to opinion. Is abortion good or bad? Are you really murdering a baby? Is it a real human yet or still just a fetus? Is it alive? These are the questions that cause so much division on this topic. To some people the minute the egg is fertilized it is a baby already, to others it isn’t truly alive until it can breathe and live on it’s own outside the mother’s body. For many, it is somewhere in-between. However, there is enough controversy about these many opinions to cause real conflict between people based on belief that are often derived from their religion, or lack there-of.

  But does this give one group of people the right to make the decision for everyone else? There are many reasons to terminate a pregnancy and it’s no one’s damn business except those directly involved. I do not understand why fat old white men think that they have some right to force women to listen and follow their decisions. Terminating a pregnancy is a very personal decision involving emotions, economics, future ambitions, age, health, etc… It is something very personal and is a hard choice for most people to make. They think about it pretty carefully before doing something drastic like that. However, religious-based organizations lobby government officials to tack on all sorts of other requirements before you can make your own choices. You might have to have multiple counseling sessions, or an ultrasound, or an internal scope… It is not only an invasion of privacy, but it is a highly invasive process that some people are forced to endure and go through. It’s nobody’s business what you do with your body or what your reasons are. It’s nobody’s business if you don’t want kids. No one should be able to force you to give birth and go through the very difficult experience of pregnancy. It’s nobody’s damn business. And yet it is…

  There are so many reasons a person might consider terminating a pregnancy… They may be too young to properly look after it, they may not be financially secure enough to provide a decent life for the child, they may be doing drugs and the fetus might be severely deformed and disfigured. They may have gotten pregnant via rape and don’t want that reminder, or they may be in an abusive relationship and be terrified of having a child grow up in that situation, or feel as though they would be forever trapped because they couldn’t leave their child and their abusive partner would forever hold them hostage. They may simply not be emotionally ready for that. They could have hereditary diseases that have been passed on and do not want to inflict that on a new person in the world. They may already have had too many children already and it’s no longer safe for them to attempt another pregnancy (for some, this could happen with a 6^th baby or a 2^nd). There is a myriad of reasons why a woman might not want to carry a child to full term, even if she could then “give it up for adoption”. And that is her choice, and only hers. No one else has any right to get involved in that choice. No one else has any right to judge her for her decision.

  “Why doesn’t she just put it up for adoption?” is a frequent question heard about women who have abortions. “There might be someone out there that would love that child as is, no matter what is wrong with it”… Yes, that may be so, but do you know how many children are in the foster care system in the US alone? 397,122 children in the US are living without a permanent family (http://ccainstitute.org). Nearly 400,000 children do not have parents already. And a lot of these children will not get adopted for many years, will be bounced around the system from one home to the next. And don’t even get me started on the horrors of the foster cares system with over-crowded “homes” and gross neglect or even mistreatment. Even if a child does find a loving home and family, they may suffer emotional damage and have abandonment issues that will affect the rest of their life. They may end up hating their “real” parents for giving them up, even if it was the right thing to do. So when you ask, “why don’t they just put the child up for adoption”, that may not actually be a good decision, or even the right one. It is such a nuanced issue. It’s not a simple “do I murder this fetus, or don’t’ I”. It’s not an easy thing for anyone to decide, but in the end it is her choice and not yours. And no one has any right to a say except the person who has to make that choice.

  Now on to the heckling. Apart from all the various regulations and governmental controls that are put in place to traumatize, scare, and intimidate people seeking an abortion, there are also the hecklers that stand outside these facilities. There are people who hold up signs telling people they are going to hell, or calling them murderers or saying that they should commit suicide first. There are people screaming and chanting horrible vicious things at these women who are already making a pretty difficult decision. Nobody wants to have an abortion. Nobody wants to go through that experience and probably be plagued by some kind of guilt or upset for the rest of their lives, wondering what-if’s and the like. While some people know and realize that it was the right decision for them and that they are glad they went through with it, I don’t think anybody really wants to go through that experience. So the religious right is often very critical of people having abortions and make it an even more hellish experience than it already is.

  Then on top of that there is the shaming afterwards. Often, women will tell almost no one about her abortion because of the stigma attached to it and the hateful looks and comments that she’ll get in response. It may even be hard for her to tell a future spouse or family members. This leaves a lack of support for a very trying and troubling experience when support and compassion is what she really needs. It is always important to be surrounded by people who love and support you, to have a support group to help deal with the trials of life. If that is taken away because of a personal choice and the stigma surrounding it, then that leads to depression, self-hate and possibly suicide.  Some people would say that “she deserves it” because of her choice, but shouldn’t we have compassion for people? 

  Isn’t that what all religion is about, having compassion and being there for other people? Isn’t this supposed “God” the final judge of everyone, so why do people feel the need to judge and shame others? Especially when it’s none of their damn business… As it says somewhere in the bible, “Let he who is without sin throw the first stone”… Why can’t people just listen to that one line more often? Everyone makes choices, everyone has beliefs and opinions, but it is no one’s right to judge another person without knowing everything about them, why they made their choice, how they feel about it, etc… No one is perfect, that’s just how life is, and yet people constantly bite and gossip and try to hurt each other for their imperfections and decisions.

  To wrap up this whole spiel that’s kind of gone off topic now, if you are a sane and responsible human being then you should be allowed to make your own informed health choices. That should be something private between you and your doctor, not something for the local gossip committee to spread about and whisper. It is not something for politicians to get involved in. If they want a small government then they have to be consistent and keep their noses out of it.

Update 11/28/15

  Today I felt that recent events warranted an update to this post. The recent event in particular that prompted this feeling was the gun shooting at a Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado Springs, CO where 3 people were killed (including a police officer) and 9 were left injured. Now we've been seeing a lot of violence and hate crimes in this country of late. First there were school shootings, then police aggression toward african americans, then hate crimes against latinos and suspected "illegal immigrants", arson and viral "videos" painting Planned Parenthood as a company that sells live babies to be butchered, and currently the mistrust and fear mongering associated with the intake of Syrian refugees, some of which are muslims - and therefore to the uneducated and republicans, who are often one and the same, terrorists. This latest attack on the Colorado Planned Parenthood though really takes the cake. We see two things squished into one; a mass shooting event and a hate crime against a center that provides abortions, among many other things.

  Now there's a lot of people out there, trolling reddit, writing their own blogs, making youtube videos, and some of then seem to be almost proud of this latest loss of life. They seem to think that shooting up people in a PP office is a good thing. Some of them are saying that it's going to bring the risks of abortions into the light and stop people from going to PP facilities to get abortions. Some claim that the shooter was crazy. And then theres a few who say things like this:

  I really don't know quite what to say about this... I'm disgusted, disappointed, horrified. While many people don't agree on gun control, or abortion issues, they do generally agree that mass shootings are at the very least sad. Sometimes they can even say that it's a tragedy and something that should never have happened. But somehow, the combination of gun rights nuts and pro-lifers leads to a horrifically ironic situation where pro-lifers are celebrating a mass shooting where 3 people died. They are not only not sad, they are happy, calling the shooter a "brave hero" and THANKING him for KILLING people...

  These nut-jobs who do not see the horror in this latest shooting seem to believe this myth that the republican party ships so hard that Planned Parenthood only ever provides abortions and does nothing else. The truth is that the people that were shot and died, and those that remain hospitalized, may very well have never even gone there for an abortion. They may have been pro-life themselves, but not rich enough to go to a fancy clinic for a breast cancer screening. Or they could have been young adults getting an STD screening, or just a young woman getting on the pill to prevent a pregnancy that could end in an abortion. The people injured and killed in this latest attack against humanity and morality and women's rights were just like anyone else. They were living, breathing people, and for christian, gun-toting, pro-life idiots to congratulate a shooter on killing innocent people just makes me lose what little hope I had for religious people to do the right thing, for humanity and decency to rule out over their "morals".

I'll end my tirade here, but I just want to say one thing. To any christian, or republican, or pro-lifer, or gun-supporter who gets offended by my lumping them with the crazies... This is what the world sees. This is what regular people see all the time. This is what your group and your ideals seem to promote. It may not be everyone, it may be just a few who give you a bad name, but as long as you promote your hatred to anything that you deem "immoral" such as abortions, and as long as you call it murder and incite people to hate anyone that deviates from your beliefs, I hold you all in contempt. You may not be responsible for other people's actions, but the message that you put out into the world has consequences, it hurts people, and I am tired of it.