Why we need it, and why the "I don't need feminism" people deserve a good hard bitch-slap
Women face near-constant objectification. It can be as simple as a guy whistling at us on the sidewalk, or saying an unwanted "hey beautiful" as we walk by. Sure, it might not be hurting us physically, but they're looking at us, at our faces and our bodies and seeing a vagina that they want to fuck and breasts that they want to touch. Not a person with feelings, a family, a job, and worth beyond physical beauty. That is not a compliment, whatever they think. Looking at us and wishing they could get us naked and rut on top of us for a few minutes is not nice and it's not funny and it's not okay. And it happens every day and chances are every women will experience it at least once in their lives - probably a lot more frequently.
Even more disgusting and dangerous is when a guy shows interest in us and asks if we want to hang out, or get a drink, or go back to his place, or go on a date, and when we say no - the reason is not important - they get aggressive and offended, sometimes even resort to violence to "put us in our place". They say we're not even giving them a chance, that we're missing out on something great, that we're stupid bitches/cunts/sluts simply because we don't want to fuck them. They take it as a personal insult that we don't automatically strip naked and get on our knees in front of them to suck their cock. They are so sure of their own importance in the world, and that a women's job is to be an object for their own satisfaction and pleasure, that they can't take rejection. It doesn't matter to them that the women might be in a committed relationship, that she might not be sexually attracted to men, or just them, or might just not want sex, or have better things to do than go on a date with a scumbag, or might be really busy, or might be late for a meeting, or just doesn't want to sleep with a guy that sees her as a fuck toy and not a human being. They see it as a rejection, an insult, a slight against their male pride and they take violent offense to anyone not doing what they say when they say it.
Every day I wait for systematic objectification to happen to me. In the past it has, but I was too nervous and unsure of myself (or in a dangerous place at night) to stand up for myself and other women and do something to show that it wasn't okay. Now that I am slightly older, more confident and less scared of the world, I am just waiting for someone to try it on me. They'll get the tongue lashing of their lives.
I don't understand how men think that it's okay - not only to say things like this to random women on the street - but to get so offended when we show them we don't appreciate the objectification. They could just give up and wait for the next victim, but they often-times seem to be personally offended by the rejection, to the point of violence. How is a woman simply declining to engage in their 'oh so witty' banter and being just as rude back to them so offensive that they feel the need to punish her?
And then those men and women out in the world that somehow don't experience this type of objectification and verbal abuse pretend that it does not happen. They proudly hold up signs about how they "don't need feminism", as though their limited sample size of 1 is representative of the rest of the world. Their willing blindness to the problem just intensifies it and denigrates those of us who experience it in real life. To them it's just a news article or a "whining liberal". But to those of us who actually live with it, it's something important that needs to be fought and changed. It saddens me that we live in a world where people who don't experience these kinds of situations not only don't stand up for people who need support, but they refuse to believe that they exist at all...
So many men out there see a story about some kind of abuse a woman has experienced, and their first reaction is to point out that THEY wouldn't do something like that. They use #NotAllMen as though that somehow makes things better. They point out that there are many good guys out there in the world, so we shouldn't judge all men by a "few" bad experiences. As though the fact that there are some good guys makes it okay that a woman was raped or attacked and beaten to a pulp. Woman share their negative experience in the hope that other people will take notice and learn from it. That other women will be more wary then they were and hopefully avoid a similar occurrence. We talk about it to remove the stigma of being a victim of abuse and assault. We talk about it so that it's not ignored and shamed, so that victims get support, so that people work harder to prevent it from happening again. And then men, for some reason, feel like women who have been assaulted judge all of them by their experience and blame their gender for it. They feel defensive and uncomfortable and try to make themselves feel better by pointing out that they aren't like that.
Comments like that don't fix the problem. #NotAllMen and "Women Against Feminism" is a disgusting misunderstanding of the struggle that many women face. It's a bunch of people, men and women, disregarding the challenges that many women in society face. Just because they personally haven't felt oppressed by society, or just because they haven't been objectified and put down by men around them, they choose to believe that there is no problem. A lot of time this viewpoint comes from middle class people who have been privileged because of their economic status and protected from reality by their parents, brothers, and people they hang out with.
There is a Tumblr out there called "We Don't Need Feminism" where people just submit reasons why they think Feminism and speaking out against systematic oppression against women isn't needed. They like to claim things like women who are feminists are whiny and pathetic. That speaking out against rape and victim shaming is "acting pathetic" and distracting from "real problems". They never really elaborate on what those real problems are though...
Even more disgusting and dangerous is when a guy shows interest in us and asks if we want to hang out, or get a drink, or go back to his place, or go on a date, and when we say no - the reason is not important - they get aggressive and offended, sometimes even resort to violence to "put us in our place". They say we're not even giving them a chance, that we're missing out on something great, that we're stupid bitches/cunts/sluts simply because we don't want to fuck them. They take it as a personal insult that we don't automatically strip naked and get on our knees in front of them to suck their cock. They are so sure of their own importance in the world, and that a women's job is to be an object for their own satisfaction and pleasure, that they can't take rejection. It doesn't matter to them that the women might be in a committed relationship, that she might not be sexually attracted to men, or just them, or might just not want sex, or have better things to do than go on a date with a scumbag, or might be really busy, or might be late for a meeting, or just doesn't want to sleep with a guy that sees her as a fuck toy and not a human being. They see it as a rejection, an insult, a slight against their male pride and they take violent offense to anyone not doing what they say when they say it.
Every day I wait for systematic objectification to happen to me. In the past it has, but I was too nervous and unsure of myself (or in a dangerous place at night) to stand up for myself and other women and do something to show that it wasn't okay. Now that I am slightly older, more confident and less scared of the world, I am just waiting for someone to try it on me. They'll get the tongue lashing of their lives.
I don't understand how men think that it's okay - not only to say things like this to random women on the street - but to get so offended when we show them we don't appreciate the objectification. They could just give up and wait for the next victim, but they often-times seem to be personally offended by the rejection, to the point of violence. How is a woman simply declining to engage in their 'oh so witty' banter and being just as rude back to them so offensive that they feel the need to punish her?
And then those men and women out in the world that somehow don't experience this type of objectification and verbal abuse pretend that it does not happen. They proudly hold up signs about how they "don't need feminism", as though their limited sample size of 1 is representative of the rest of the world. Their willing blindness to the problem just intensifies it and denigrates those of us who experience it in real life. To them it's just a news article or a "whining liberal". But to those of us who actually live with it, it's something important that needs to be fought and changed. It saddens me that we live in a world where people who don't experience these kinds of situations not only don't stand up for people who need support, but they refuse to believe that they exist at all...
So many men out there see a story about some kind of abuse a woman has experienced, and their first reaction is to point out that THEY wouldn't do something like that. They use #NotAllMen as though that somehow makes things better. They point out that there are many good guys out there in the world, so we shouldn't judge all men by a "few" bad experiences. As though the fact that there are some good guys makes it okay that a woman was raped or attacked and beaten to a pulp. Woman share their negative experience in the hope that other people will take notice and learn from it. That other women will be more wary then they were and hopefully avoid a similar occurrence. We talk about it to remove the stigma of being a victim of abuse and assault. We talk about it so that it's not ignored and shamed, so that victims get support, so that people work harder to prevent it from happening again. And then men, for some reason, feel like women who have been assaulted judge all of them by their experience and blame their gender for it. They feel defensive and uncomfortable and try to make themselves feel better by pointing out that they aren't like that.
Comments like that don't fix the problem. #NotAllMen and "Women Against Feminism" is a disgusting misunderstanding of the struggle that many women face. It's a bunch of people, men and women, disregarding the challenges that many women in society face. Just because they personally haven't felt oppressed by society, or just because they haven't been objectified and put down by men around them, they choose to believe that there is no problem. A lot of time this viewpoint comes from middle class people who have been privileged because of their economic status and protected from reality by their parents, brothers, and people they hang out with.
There is a Tumblr out there called "We Don't Need Feminism" where people just submit reasons why they think Feminism and speaking out against systematic oppression against women isn't needed. They like to claim things like women who are feminists are whiny and pathetic. That speaking out against rape and victim shaming is "acting pathetic" and distracting from "real problems". They never really elaborate on what those real problems are though...
Can I first just point out how truly awful these backgrounds tend to be? It's like they're trying to offend the senses in every way they possibly can. Just in case you can't read the disgusting words on these things, I've made it easier by listing them out below...
1. "I don't need feminism because it's all about idiots that feel bored and paint oppression on themselves to feel important."
2. "I don't need feminism because they really are using the same tactics as nazis and they HATE it when you make the comparison."
3. "I personally don't need feminism because I work hard for respect. I don't need a bunch of whiny half naked brats telling me I'm a brainwashed slave and men should step down. I've got this"
4. "I don't need feminism because when I was physically harassed by a boy I understood that it was just him not the entire male population would do that."
5. "I don't need feminism because women in modern western societies are not victims by default" ~Guess what, I'm female and I'm in STEM field, and no agents of your "patriarchy" has EVER tried to push me aside or hinder me. The only and unanimous reaction I get from men are all along the lines of "really? That's so awesome!". So get your whiny butts of the couch, drop your gender studies, and go learn something meaningful, that way you'll experience for yourselves that you can achieve all a man can.
6. "I don't need feminism because I am empowered without it!"
7. "I don't need feminism because, as a Latina, I have never been oppressed. I don't need to be misandrist to be empowered."
8. "I don't need Feminism because feminists want me to feel oppressed. I used to identify as a feminist and whenever I did, I didn't feel empowered or anything I guess I was supposed to feel. I'm not a victim of men. I am not a victim of "internalized misogyny." I am happy with how I am treated as a woman."
9. "Feminism as a whole is irrelevant and outdated, because it doesn't teach women to be strong. It teaches women that they should be afraid of everything and everyone except feminism and feminists, but then tells women that it's everyone else's job to look after them and protect them."
10. "Feminism isn't needed anymore. So it's irrelevant now. We don't need to waste time fighting for something that doesn't need to be fought for anymore"
11. "I don't need feminism because even if I was the nicest, most considerate guy in the world, catering to their every need, I would still be labeled a monster, a potential rapist, disgusting, etc..."
12. "I don't need feminism because if "Male privilege" did exist, I would've had my own art studio by now instead of working $9/hr at a bakery."
13. "I don't need feminism because even if I present a proper argument complete with factually correct evidence, I get disregarded because I'm male"
There's so many problems with all this shit I don't even know where to start. Well, the ones by men are pretty obvious to see.
#11 complains about the fact that women are already nervous about people attacking and raping them, and therefore feminism sucks, because as a guy he gets grouped into potential rapists. Doesn't recognize that that's exactly why feminism is important. Women are so used to hearing about others who have been raped, and so used to being objectified and fearing for their safety that we have to expect it from all guys. Rape is common enough that we have to be so aware of our surroundings to make sure we don't have it happen to us that we guard against men who are probably perfectly nice people, just in case it's a trap. And that's exactly why feminism is needed from everyone, not just women. Because if men ostracized other men who take advantage of women who can't fight back, are drunk, are vulnerable in some way, then it would probably become less common. But men brag about how many people they've slept with, how that hot drunk chick went home with them and had sex with them, or that girl at the party was so wasted she had sex with everyone who approached her without protest. Guys joke with their friends about how they can have anyone, or if they get a girl drunk enough or stoned enough etc... she'll agree to have sex. That is why feminism is needed from men too. Because women alone cannot convince men that it's wrong to take advantage of someone who doesn't know what they're doing.
#12 complains that he doesn't have his dream job, so male privilege must not exist and feminism is unnecessary. I'm sorry, but that's not how "male privilege" works. Just because you are a guy and "privileged" by your gender doesn't mean that your life will be a charmed cake-walk and you don't have to work towards what you want. Just because you are male doesn't mean if you go to a bank to get a loan you will automatically get one and a woman won't. That's not what male privilege is. The reason you are working in a bakery for $9/hr is because you need a job to pay rent and you are lucky enough to have a job at all. Making it in the world as an artist is hard, and everyone knows it. You aren't going to be successful immediately and you are going to have to work towards what you want. We all have to do that. Male privilege just means that you will probably have certain advantages over the women in your life, might get payed more than they will, won't have to face the sexual objectification that women in the workplace do, won't have guys starting at your tits and ass as you walk by as though that's all you are worth.
#13... that's what many women in high powered fields face every day. We say something smart, with evidence and worth to it, and are completely ignored. But when the man sitting next to us says the same thing he is praised for having such a great idea... That's why we NEED feminism, especially men to understand what it is and why it's important. You complaining about not always being listened to over women isn't exactly helping your case.
Then there's #1, #2 and #3 that are just gems... They make feminists out to be lazy sluts that just complain about their lots in life and wear little to no clothing and therefore deserve to be objectified? Not even really sure how #2 makes sense... How are feminists the same as Nazis? We don't put people in gas chambers and kill them just because they are jewish... Sure, there are some feminists out there that are not model citizens, not the smartest wrench in the toolshed. But does that mean that they should be sexually harassed by men? Does that mean that they are less deserving of basic human respect? And yeah, there are some nearly militant feminists out there who complain if a guy holds a door open for them, or accuse every guy in their vicinity of staring at their boobs when they are wearing nothing but a bra and see-through shirt. Those people have their own issues. But isn't that exactly what you are saying already? Don't judge everyone in a certain group by the crazies that also happen to belong to that group? Don't judge "all men" by the actions of a few? If you are going to make that argument you can't turn around and say all feminists are loonies and whiny bored people just looking to make trouble, just because there MAY be people out there claiming to be feminists who act crazy.
#'s 4, 5, 6, and 7 just make me angry. Just because YOU PERSONALLY have not felt oppressed, objectified, been sexually assaulted, discriminated against in the workplace, payed less then your male counterparts, been denied medical services (abortions) due to men and women around you feeling it's morally wrong, doesn't mean that other women are not having these experiences all the fucking time. Just because you are lucky enough to be surrounded by men who respect you doesn't meant that your neighbor doesn't face these challenges every day. Just because you don't feel oppressed in your workplace, doesn't mean that millions of women in STEM fields don't get payed the same as the men they work with. And lets get one thing clear right now. Feminism does not equal misandry. Feminists do not hate men. Feminism is not about women being better then men, or giving women more rights then men, or promoting women's issues INSTEAD of men's. And Feminism isn't just about promoting women's issues. It's about equality between the sexes. It's about making women EQUAL to men. It's about making sure that women are payed at the same rate as men. It's about not stigmatizing men who want to be in traditionally female roles, like men who WANT to stay home and raise children while their wives have high-powered careers, or something as simple as men who want to be nurses in hospitals, social workers, librarians, or elementary school teachers. However, even when men are in these traditionally female occupations and roles, while they may be teased and stigmatized for it, they still get payed more than the women in these jobs do. And yet, feminists campaign just as much for men to get paternity leave as well as women to get maternity leave. They campaign for many male-oriented injustices and they do a damn good job of it.
#8 and #9 are so incredibly frustrating to me. It makes me want to get those people all together and blast them with a huge speaker saying "feminism is not oppressing women you dumb fucks". They say that feminism is trying to tell women they are damsels in distress, that they are incapable of achieving whatever they put their minds to, that it teaches women to be scared of their own shadows. And just because you are a feminist or believe that feminism is needed in today's society doesn't instantaneously make you an "empowered" person. A basic google of "definition of empowered" will lead you to this:
#8 and #9 are so incredibly frustrating to me. It makes me want to get those people all together and blast them with a huge speaker saying "feminism is not oppressing women you dumb fucks". They say that feminism is trying to tell women they are damsels in distress, that they are incapable of achieving whatever they put their minds to, that it teaches women to be scared of their own shadows. And just because you are a feminist or believe that feminism is needed in today's society doesn't instantaneously make you an "empowered" person. A basic google of "definition of empowered" will lead you to this:
Which wonderfully illustrates that to be empowered is something that you have to work for or figure out for yourself. Belonging to a movement, or giving lip service to those around you claiming that you are a feminist, does not guarantee that you will feel strong and confident, or give you the ability to speak up when you feel someone is treating you poorly. Belonging to a group of feminists, or hanging out with similarly minded people might help you get to the point of being "empowered", but calling yourself a feminist doesn't do that automatically.
And don't even get me started on #10. "Feminism isn't needed anymore. So it's irrelevant now. We don't need to waste time fighting for something that doesn't need to be fought for anymore." Obviously it is still needed. It's still needed because women who have been able to prove that they've been raped and who their attacker is don't get justice. It's still needed because a girl that sleeps with 5 guys in 3 years is called a slut, but a guy that sleeps with 5 girls in one week is a hero and a champ, celebrated by his buddies and exhausted to near god-like status. It's needed because women make significantly less than males in the exact same jobs and companies. It's needed because women routinely face sexual objectification and harassment in the workplace, on the street, in their social circles, etc... It's needed because other cultures have even more disgusting approaches to women's rights. It's needed because men try to restrict women's health choices because of "their morals". It's needed because men seem to think that they can dictate to us what is and what isn't appropriate to wear, or do, or say, or act, or be. That's why it's fucking needed.
Our mothers fought for these rights years ago... for the right to vote, the right to work, the right to be something other than a bored housewife if they wanted to. And I can't believe we're still fighting for this shit. With Trump as president, it's going to be even more important for people to stand up and fight for women's rights, equality, and yes - also for men's rights (i.e. feminism). This is about all of us sticking together and fighting for what is right. Not what is easy or what other people tell us we should be fighting for instead. It's about standing up for people who are hurting or who are bullied and pushed down by others. It's about equality and fairness. We're not a bunch of man-haters out there trying to destroy civilization as we know it. We just want the same respect and opportunities given to men. How is that wrong or bad?
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